‘Gender reveal parties’ are very common these days. Would-be parents announce to their families and friends whether they are going to have a girl or a boy. This is done by either cutting a cake with pink/blue frosting, popping balloons with pink/blue confetti inside, opening a box which has pink/blue balloons, etc. This sounds harmless fun as much of gender-related customs appear innocuous and part of ‘culture’ and everyday celebrations. 

Such rituals – old and new often reproduce gender hierarchies and inequalities. Feminist sociologists have detailed the many small ways by which cultural practices reproduce gender identities. Considerable attention has been given to gender socialization or what has often been termed the social construction of gender. Girls learn the socialised way of living by observing the various rituals, family customs, rites, etc. carried out by other women in the household (Dube 1998).

These parties – new rituals of ‘gender reveal parties’ are occasions for celebrating gender stereotypes – the most common being the use of the colour pink for girls and the colour blue for boys. These parties reaffirm stereotypes, not through the pink-blue dichotomy but also use terms such as ‘touchdowns or tutus’, ‘pistols or pearls’, etc. Even before the birth of the child, we are deciding what would be more appropriate for them. The child doesn’t even get to choose whether he wants a video game controller or a barbie doll. We consciously eliminate the idea that maybe he could like barbies more than video games, but because we as a society have mutually established that barbies are for girls, the choice is never given.  Indeed the toy industry itself becomes the prism through which we both accept the stereotypes and even their reimagining such as a barbie girl for a boy.

But the most problematic thing about this trend is the name itself – gender reveal. One cannot find the gender of a child by any sort of medical procedure and most definitely not when the child is still unborn. The debate between what is sex and what gender is has a long history.  Ann Oakley (1975), describes sex as “a word that refers to the biological differences between male and female: the visible differences in genitalia…Gender, however, is a matter of culture, it refers to the social classification into ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’” (Oakley, 1972).  However, in the twenty-first century, gender is considered to be fluid in nature, as character traits of a person no longer remain confined within the social boundaries of ‘masculinity’ or ‘femininity’. 

This too is very debatable as it raises the question – ‘what about the children who do not conform to the two sexes or pan genders?’ This acts as a discriminatory event against children/ people who do not identify themselves as males or females or do not feel connected to their bodily selves. Jenna Karvunidis, the woman who is credited to have started this trend in 2008 by throwing a gender reveal party for her daughter, now feels that people need to re-evaluate this trend (Garcia-Navarro, 2019).

The same daughter she threw that party for, has grown up to be someone who does not conform to the gender stereotypes attached to a girl. She feels more comfortable wearing blazers and suits than wearing a dress or a skirt. This does not necessarily make her tom-boyish or transgender, it simply means she chooses comfort over societal expectations and rules. Karvunidis is now learning about the fluidity of gender when her daughter is going through this process of discovering herself and her identity (Ho, 2019).

By assigning a child with a specific gender at birth, we kill so many potential talents and skills that the child could have developed growing up. As they have ‘revealed’ that it’s a boy, he is only exposed to physically challenging tasks such as outdoor sports or encouraged to develop ‘manly’ skills such as interest in vehicles or electronics. We never consider that he might have the skill to become a chef or a dancer or have an interest in designing clothes. For example, Ankush Bahuguna is an Indian social media influencer who made a career as a makeup enthusiast by breaking all stereotypes. He shares on his platform how applying make-up is not just a feminine activity, men too can feel empowered by doing so (Indian Male Influencers breaking stereotypes, 2022).    

People in the west have been able to know the sex of their child ever since ultrasound technology got developed and it is a very common process. But in a patriarchal country like India, such tests have been banned as they were leading to more female foeticides. In June 1988, The Maharashtra Legislative Assembly passed a bill which became an act, banning the use of scientific or medical tests for prenatal diagnosis to know the sex of the child, to prevent the misuse of the test (Patel 1989).  

In the west, over the years, the curiosity is not just to know the sex of your child, rather it is the desperation to throw a gender reveal party and do it better than others. It has become a form of competition where every couple wants to take it up a notch with their party by doing something bigger or more explosive and grander. It sets out wrong standards of expression for other younger couples planning to do the same in the future and also hurts the sentiments of the parents who have trans children. Even before the birth of their child, parents begin imagining raising a boy/girl and then gradually the children do not conform to their gender norms, it becomes extremely difficult for parents to accept the new changes. Zoe Lynn, the mother of a trans daughter writes, “I fell in love with a baby boy and had to let that go. I had to mourn the memories of naming my child and the ‘boy’ things she will probably spend the rest of her life trying to forget” (Artavia, 2020).  Although it was tough for her, Lynn accepted the reality of her child and threw her daughter a gender reveal party at the age of six, expressing her support and unconditional love towards her child. 

I am not proposing that gender reveal parties should not be allowed to take place. Of course, parents should be allowed to share their joy with their loved ones. But we can do this responsibly, by not calling it a gender reveal party for instance and definitely by stopping the usage of binary opposing terms like ‘pistols or pearls’. We can use colours like yellow, purple, green, etc. that do not conform to any gender and allow the children to choose in the future which colour they identify the most with.

References:

Artavia, D. (2020, May 27). Mother hosts Gender Reveal party for 6-year-old Trans Child. Retrieved from Out: https://www.out.com/transgender/2020/5/27/mother-hosts-gender-reveal-party-6-year-old-trans-child

Dube, L. (1998). On the Construction of Gender: Hindu Girls in Patrilineal India. Economic and Political Weekly. 23 (18): WS11–19.

Garcia-Navarro, L. (2019, July). Woman who Popularised Gender- Reveal Parties says her views on Gender have Changed. Retrieved from NPR: https://www.npr.org/2019/07/28/745990073/woman-who-popularized-gender-reveal-parties-says-her-views-on-gender-have-change

Ho, V. (2019, July 27). Pioneer of gender-reveal party regrets sparking trend: ‘Let kids be who they are’. Retrieved from The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2019/jul/26/gender-reveal-party-pioneer-regrets-trend

Indian Male Influencers breaking stereotypes. (2022, February 1). Retrieved from WORD: https://whatstheword.co/blog/indian-male-influencers-breaking-stereotypes/

Oakley, A. (1972). Sex, Gender and Society . Gower/ Maurice Temple Smith.

Patel, V. (1989). Sex- determination and sex- preselection tests in India: Modern techniques for femicide. Bulletin of Concerned Asian Scholars , 2-10 .

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Shviti Tagore is an independent researcher having completed her MA in Sociology from Jamia Millia Islamia. Her research interests are in the field of gender, sexuality and religion.