If you’re a social media addict like me and a Hindi-speaking North Indian with an appetite for drama, you’re likely acquainted with internet personalities or ‘influencers’ like RJ Karishma, Dharna, Rakhi Lochab, and many others from their tribe. The likelihood of connecting with their content is even greater if you’re married. However, beyond presenting the ironies and humour inherent in the interactions among women in roles such as daughters-in-law, mothers-in-law, and sisters-in-law within the family, they offer much more. This ‘more’ is what I aim to delve into in this article, seeking to understand what makes them so widely popular and relatable.
Marriage as an institution has historically operated to the disadvantage of women. Yet, despite this, there’s a prevailing belief that has evolved for the better, often equated with the adoption of a ‘modern’ lifestyle, which frequently revolves around heightened consumption. Dinner dates, shopping trips, and frequent travel serve as symbols of a particular standard that many middle-class aspire to attain or have already achieved today.
Sociologists have argued that the institution of marriage is becoming more individualized and intensive, with the married couple or conjugality at its core. If we were to import this framework into the Indian context, it would imply that couples are becoming more independent, and the immediate and extended family are no longer the core of their marriage. This is also evident in the dramatic increase in ‘love’ marriages in the past few years. However, I would refrain from drawing any conclusions; if we look at our statistics, we still observe that 97 per cent marry within their caste. Moreover, patrilocal residence is still the practice in most marriages, which means women have to shift to live with their husband’s families. While some extended joint families are disintegrating, nuclear families are not yet the norm.
It is in these supposedly modern or new-age relationships where influencers emerge to highlight continued discrimination. They portray a spectrum of characters and situations that may not be explicitly labelled as ‘discriminatory,’ yet their relatability suggests how deeply ingrained and commonplace these issues are. The number of followers is, of course, one indicator of relatable content, but what I believe to be a true criterion is how influencers come from diverse regional and linguistic backgrounds, and we as an audience are consuming transregional content. Thus, Instagram, as a platform, provides a delightful array of voices, ranging from Haryanvi to Bhojpuri, from a Kanpur accent to Punjabi. And if we’re crossing borders, let me mention that Fufo (aka bua/aunty/father’s sister/mother’s tormenter), residing in Pakistan, is highly popular among Indians too! The commonality in their themes sometimes even succeeds in breaking regional and linguistic barriers among their consumers. For instance, as a Haryanvi, I consume a lot of Punjabi content and even Bhojpuri. After years of enduring Bengali and English domination in the university space, it is liberating to access content in the native language and become more accepting of others. But without getting more theoretical or personal, let me dive straight into some of my favourite reels that touch upon various facets of marital life.
The one where Mama ji eats paratha…
RJ Karishma caught my attention as one of the initial content creators I discovered, prompting an instant follow to her page. She’s remarkably versatile, offering glimpses into various aspects of a typical Punjabi household, whether it’s a nosy neighbour, a squabble between siblings, or the chaos when a damaad (son-in-law) visits. A particularly cherished element of her content is her portrayal of the saas-bahu relationship. What sets her videos apart is the daughter-in-law’s consistent ability to challenge her mother-in-law’s biases with clever comebacks delivered through humour and sarcasm. It presents a fantasy world where arguments are not only possible but also entertaining. Of course, in reality, things operate differently; conflicts are often messy, and in most relationships, it’s best to avoid confrontations altogether. Nonetheless, Karishma’s videos are popular because they subvert power dynamics, even if only in the virtual realm.
What caught my attention the most was when my friend shared that, after watching her videos, she realized that her marital issues were not solely personal or unique to her; instead, they were more common and far more structural. Whether it’s the snide remarks saying ‘Aaj kal ki bahuyein kaam nahi karti’ or the consistent comparisons and praises showered upon the daughter while disregarding the daughter-in-law. There are so many that are my favourites, but the one I chose revolves around food. It is well-documented that women are often the last ones to eat in their families; sometimes, they may eat less due to a lack of something or overeating to avoid wasting or storing food. In this particular video, a newly married woman, likely unaccustomed to such dynamics in her own home, discovers that her tastes and preferences take a backseat to those of her husband. The ensuing events are genuinely humorous. Some say it’s cathartic. Take a look!
The one where Yam arrives but leaves…
If RJ Karishma counters what I like to call patriarchal hypocrisy through a bahu’s perspective, Rakhi gives the most compelling monologues, often reaching a climax where there’s no room for negotiation or debate. Before gaining her own following, Rakhi used to feature in Lalit Shokeen’s videos. Lalit rose to fame on YouTube, making Haryanvi content immensely popular. However, Rakhi was never the focal point; the narratives predominantly revolved around contemporary relationships, with Lalit assuming the role of hero and prevailing in most disputes. Rakhi, perhaps recognized the rich and diverse world of women waiting to be portrayed on screen, created by women, for women. What strikes me in her videos is her insightful portrayal of the inner lives of women. They’re not depicted as saints; they gossip, they can show anger, they’re pretentious, they scrutinize the younger generation, and they’re judgmental, they perpetuate patriarchy. Such intricacies, I believe, cannot be captured in academic works.
If I were to choose a favourite, it would be the one where Rakhi humorously pretends to call veteran Bollywood actor Neetu Kapoor, asking what gifts she’d give to Ridhima, Karishma, and Kareena (daughter and nieces) on the occasion of Neetu’s grandchild’s birth (Raha). Through this, Rakhi vividly illustrates how ‘give and take’ lies at the heart of every occasion, whether in an ordinary family or the ultra-privileged Bollywood circles. She ends the call by asking if there’s a need for nappies (known as ‘potra’ in Haryanvi, referring to stitched cotton nappies), and states that she has already provided them for Vamika (Virat and Anushka’s daughter). The make-believe scenario is so authentic that one can easily imagine such a relationship coming to life. The video could have been more timely and tells us how influencers stay abreast of current events and incorporate them into their hyper-local worlds.
However, Rakhi’s content extends beyond chasing relevant and fresh topics, and a theme that consistently emerges is the world of labour. She is aware of the gendered nature of housework, which she showcases in a video where Yamraj (the god of death) arrives to claim a woman’s life, only to find her too busy with never-ending chores. She cleverly engages Yamraj by offering him peas to shell while she finishes, ultimately tricking him into postponing her departure until the next day. The message is well conveyed when Rakhi says ‘Marne ki fursat nahi hai’ (there’s no time to even die) and that is how her day pans out in this video. What is striking is the depiction of Yamraj not as a divine figure, but rather as an ordinary neighbour dropping by unannounced, with whom one carries on conversations while attending to daily tasks. Imagine engaging in casual conversation with him, asking, ‘So Yamraj bhai, how many siblings do you have?’ This is Haryanvi humour at its best. Watch it here.
The one where Bahu keeps Karvachauth
Creator Dharna offers everything you’re seeking – whether it’s the intriguing gossip sessions at a satsang (devotional gatherings, not necessarily religious), the peculiar behaviours of a typical middle-class mother on trips (claiming she could have prepared better food at every restaurant or constantly washing her clothes, demanding chai every few hours), or the vivid portrayal of a sunny winter day spent in the park. This includes munching on peanuts and oranges, catching up with friends, and abruptly leaving as the granddaughter is about to come home from school, holding the keys. Her observations are so sharp that you’ll immediately recognize aspects of her characters in your mother or aunt. It’s not limited to married women; she knows how a salon attendant behaves or the distinct characteristics of a dance guru (for reference watch Saroj Khan’s tutorials), making it so authentic that she doesn’t just imitate characters – she truly embodies them.
One of my favourites is when she indulges in casual gossip about a newlywed woman and her first Karva Chauth fast. In this video, Dharna covers a range of problems that you can imagine a mother-in-law would have or could have. Some of these include women’s extravagant spending on mehendi and burning a hole in their husbands’ pockets, instances of cheating during fasts, why the younger generation of men is keeping fasts, the fragility of today’s generation, the reluctance to gift mothers-in-law despite earning – all presented in a casual tone and ending with a nonchalant ‘Hum toh kuch nahi kehte’ (we don’t say anything)! These gossip enthusiasts are everywhere, whether or not they are related to you or have a stake in your life. Take a look!
The one where bhai was Bharat but bhabi was…
I watched one of Kajal’s interviews in which she mentioned, ‘I specialize in comedy, and to me it means exaggeration’. However, within these over-the-top characters and theatrical performances, there lies a profound reflection of reality, particularly within families situated in the Hindi heartland, specifically Uttar Pradesh. Whether it’s Bua complaining about her family neglecting her husband in a hilariously portrayed scenario where her nephews deny their fufa ji (uncle) an extra peg and mock him for his capacity. She is willing to go to any extent to defend him, even if it means painting him as an alcoholic.
In another video, she is enacting a mother who is taking her son into confidence to disclose details about his girlfriend, praising her beauty, only to later scold her husband for allowing their ladla (beloved) son to opt for a love marriage. Instead of directly opposing the marriage, she urges her husband to raise the issue, only to appear liberal and the ‘cool’ parent in front of her son. This narrative resonates with many families where things may seem ‘fine,’ but what lies beneath is a lot of tension in a supposedly modern household, worried about samaaj.
The video I’m sharing explores the relationship of the narrator with her brother, who was once affectionate (hence being referred to as Bharat, known for being an ideal brother in the Mahabharata), but becomes distant after his marriage, the blame inevitably falling on the sister-in-law. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Watch it here.
Why do I watch reels?
With all the content that I have shared, you may think of me as someone who watches a lot of drama, but I don’t. As an avid consumer of reels, I often ponder why I’m drawn to this form of content, as a lot of time just goes away, and striking a healthy balance with Instagram is difficult. Whether or not one relates to influencers, the range of content available on Instagram illustrates how the platform has evolved into a diverse showcase of women’s lives. From a South Delhi girl hosting Diwali parties to a woman from a remote village sharing her daily routine, Instagram presents an array of narratives that offer glimpses into different lives.
While some may view this content as merely portraying ordinary lives, I find it to be far more insightful. These reels often capture the nuances of daily life that are overlooked by mainstream media. As a feminist scholar, I’m constantly seeking to gain deeper insights into women’s lives, whether through memoirs, fiction, academia, or Instagram. Beyond drama, there’s a wide spectrum of videos where women share snippets of their daily activities, whether it’s preparing meals for their family or navigating household chores.
During my research on household labour, often my research participants were not able to articulate their daily routines. I often heard remarks like, ‘If you get married, you will understand.’ Having married during my PhD journey, I have certainly understood the nuances better, yet if someone were to ask me about my routine, I would also give a sketchy response. Feminist scholars have coined terms like double burden, and mental load, and try to capture them in various ways, but beyond the academic world, alternative genres are perfectly able to depict this and have a wider reach. For instance, the French comic Emma became very popular during the lockdown for depicting double burden through her illustrations. Thus, I see reels as yet another medium through which to explore these complexities and gain insight into the lives of married women and the institution of marriage.
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Aanchal Dhull is a part-time research scholar and a homemaker. She holds a PhD in Women’s and Gender Studies from Dr B R Ambedkar University, Delhi. Apart from enjoying reels on Instagram, her other interests include mapping women’s labour, domestic technology, time use, and housing and infrastructure.