Reading A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf (1929) led me to reflect on my own experiences of completing my doctoral thesis within my own space. Upon entering academia, I realized that accessing higher education is particularly challenging for women and women from lower caste and economically marginalized backgrounds. Though I am an upper-caste woman, enrolling in higher education for a doctoral program was the first hurdle. Once enrolled, women who aspire to grow, improve, and write require immense strength and substantial emotional, social, spatial, and financial support to navigate their journey successfully. This piece of writing reflects on the challenges I faced while completing my doctoral thesis, despite having some financial support. Drawing from my personal experiences, it delves into my journey of writing and reflects on the societal notions surrounding women’s writing and the necessity of having a space of one’s own to write.

When I was a child, I was interested in writing poetry. I used to write small Hindi poems. Growing up in a patriarchal, lower-middle-class family that focused heavily on academic achievement and even more on good performance in school, it was difficult for my parents to understand why I wrote and what I wrote. Since I did not have any personal space for writing or keeping my work, they would tear the pages of my diary whenever they found my writing. I still remember that they tore it because they found love, sorrow, happiness, and other emotions in my poetry. They were angry about my writing and asked me to focus on my studies, and it was their background and social location that made them behave like this. Hence, writing emotions, thoughts, and expressions was not appreciated by them.

Slowly, I stopped writing and turned to singing. Initially, no one at home questioned my singing as long as I kept it within the four walls. My family even enrolled me in a music university for classical vocal training but insisted that I only sing there and focus on academics at home. I began exploring my interests within the opportunities and possibilities available to me. While balancing music and academics, I started performing at university events. Gradually, people began recognizing me. However, since singing and performing on stage was not considered a respectable or prestigious profession in society, I was only permitted to pursue academics. During this time, I also had a few flings and affairs, and to discourage me from continuing with music, my family used this as a reason to forbid me from singing. However, they still allowed me to continue my studies. I stopped singing and shifted my focus to academics. I completed my M.Sc. in Botany, though I was uncertain about what I wanted to do in life. I had a persistent drive to find something meaningful that made sense to me.

After finishing my M.Sc., I worked in a school and developed an interest in teaching. Eventually, I pursued a B.Ed. and M.Ed., deepening my passion for Education. As I reached the age of marriage, the pressure to marry increased, but I remained committed to my Education. My family was conflicted about supporting my studies, but after earning a gold medal in M.Ed., my professors encouraged them to allow me to continue. This led to my admission into the M.Phil-PhD. Integrated Program at Tata Institute of Social Sciences, where I realized the challenges of completing my PhD.

While enrolled in the PhD program, I also worked. After three years of balancing work and studies, I realized I could not finish my PhD while working and needed financial support to continue. Fortunately, I was awarded a fully funded doctoral scholarship from the Indian Council of Social Science Research, New Delhi, but unfortunately, the COVID-19 pandemic hit India that same year. The world was struck, and everyone struggled. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I spent all my savings as I was not at home and stayed at different locations.

By the time, life started returning to normal, I had spent all my money and received only occasional support from my family. Even when I did get money from home, it was very little. It was enough to cover only the most basic needs, and if I faced any health issues or unexpected expenses, it became a struggle to arrange the necessary funds. Many times, I could not pay the hostel rent, and my mentor and friends helped me out. I eventually left the hostel because it was too expensive and moved in with a friend. Due to the demands of thesis writing, there were times when I did not have the time to cook or clean. My friends would bring meals for me, and if I fell ill, they would take me to the hospital.

Recently, I submitted my doctoral thesis to the Tata Institute of Social Sciences in Education. Once I submitted it, people started saying I was able to complete it because I did not have the pressure of earning or having a job. However, this was not true. At the beginning of my doctoral journey, I was under thirty, and the support from my family was better. But over time, their concern shifted toward my age, job, and marriage. When I needed more support in the last few years of my dissertation writing, I did not get support. I realized that society hardly understands the space women need for writing. They do not understand the necessity of silence, food, and support women need at the time of writing. Most of the time, society pushes women to marry within her age. Nowadays, some families are okay with women earning, but they rarely support women pursuing education, especially if they are single, over thirty, and not earning an income.

I am not denying that I did not receive any support from my family, but it was inconsistent financial support, which was not enough to complete a doctoral thesis writing. Especially when you come from a lower-middle-class background, as a woman who has not been earning for five years, living in a city like Hyderabad and managing expenses for living, education, and maintaining your own space is unimaginable unless you have a feminist mentor and supportive friends. From food to finances, from writing to submission, friends supported me in maintaining my own space, allowing me to focus on completing my PhD. They never asked if I would get a job or repay them in any way. They did it simply because they trusted me and knew that finishing my PhD was important to me. I am not sure if many of them have read Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One’s Own, but they know how crucial having space and economic support is for me, and any woman – especially when it comes to writing.

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Ritika Srivastava is a doctoral scholar in Education from the Tata Institute of Social Sciences (TISS), Hyderabad.