Feminists often see socialization as the overwhelming force which pushes women (and to a lesser extent men) into narrow and detrimental molds (Eagle, 1988). These molds determine their identity and behavior and is a training to fit into society. This training is not structured in the same way as formal education or schooling. It stems from many influences that we are not aware of, e.g., the media, the family, etc. In most societies, socialization is garnered towards attributing and establishing different roles and expectations for men and women i.e., some form of sex-stereotyping or discrimination. Girls and boys are brought up and expected to fit into society in a way that it creates an unbalanced situation where women are oppressed (ibid). Growing up as a girl in India, I have always been warned to be careful about what ‘others’ might think of me. 

I believe this is problematic because it reiterates how a woman has to be mindful of her actions because it is intertwined with her family’s prestige. Family is considered to be the first agent of socialization, it shapes our definitions of self, our relation to oneself, our body, sexuality, religious and political ideas (Menon, 2012). It is also the institution where ‘gender roles’ are ascertained and women are imbibed with the fear of being constantly scrutinized by ‘society’.

During the course of writing this article, I recalled several encounters within and outside the family that made me critically reflect on the role of socialization. The very first time I learnt I was different from my brothers was a decade back when I was given the famous ‘period pep talk’ by the women in my family. They emphasized how I should keep my periods a secret especially from men within and outside the family. I was taught to buy sanitary pads and discard them discreetly because apparently a menstruating girl is physically ‘vulnerable’.  The rest of the pep talk consisted of the lists of things I should do in order to truly behave ‘like a girl’ after the onset of my periods.[i] 

Last year, in the midst of writing a paper I sought permission from the invigilator to use the washroom and get pads as I was menstruating. She walked towards me and whispered ‘aapko nahi pata tha kya ki aap ka mens ka time hai?’ (were you not aware that you are menstruating?). The look in her eyes made me feel uneasy and ponder if I was at fault for not having control over my biological clock. Instead of offering me assistance and making me comfortable she made me conscious throughout the exam. Before leaving the center, I was subjected to questions like ‘aap the kya jinka tabiyat kharab hua tha’? (were you the one who got sick?) by other women in the center. Not one of them offered to help me but looked at me with sheer disappointment for not being ‘better prepared’ to combat my periods. Although disheartening, the notion of periods as a taboo is still deeply entrenched in the minds of many women and young girls are being socialized to believe the same.

What will people say? (Log kya kahenge?)

Every time a girl wishes to do something outside the set ‘norms’ the follow-up question ‘log kya kahenge?’ (what will others say?) automatically pops up. A woman is always seen as someone’s daughter, sister, mother, wife, aunt, etc. but not as an individual capable of doing things her way. Even if we are allowed to pursue interests that may seem ‘abnormal’ to the family, we are told to ascribe to certain rules under the pretext ‘with freedom comes responsibility’.

It is an indirect way of letting us know that we should not rely on them in case things are not smooth sailing, because ultimately, we chose this path. The family socializes girls into believing that learning to ‘sacrifice’ defines ‘womanhood’ and we should ‘adjust’ at all costs in order to maintain harmony in the household. Instances where girls are asked to give up their favorite things or hobbies and pave the way for their brothers to have better opportunities may seem trivial but it prepares girls for a lifetime of ‘adjustments’.

Conclusion

Women are generally discouraged from recognizing and challenging the disadvantages that stem from the notion of ‘male privilege’ e.g., a man has the privilege to ‘rest’ and sit back after a tiresome day at work but a woman is expected to complete her household chores and strive towards maintaining the perfect work-life balance.  This ‘perfect modern woman’ is often portrayed in a number of Indian advertisements where the female protagonist knows how to cook, clean, operate a washing machine, work on a laptop and look after her children, managing on a meagre amount of sleep. It blatantly glorifies the selfless woman who disregards her own well-being for the sake of her family. I was also socialized into believing the same, however over the years I have learnt the importance of being viewed as an individual and not being defined by the norms set by society by slowly unlearning the numerous years of socialization that made me believe ‘I am what others think of me’.

References:

·       Dube, Leela. (1988). On the Construction of Gender: Hindu Girls in Patrilineal India. Economic and Political Weekly. 23(18): WS11-WS19.

·       Eagle, G. (1988). Learning to become a “natural woman”: The process of socialization. Agenda. 2(2): 67-80.

·       Menon, N. (2012). Seeing like a Feminist. Penguin.

·       Patar, Maitrayee. (2019). Tuloni: Experiences and Negotiations around Womanhood in Assamese Society. Explorations. 3(1): 65-88.

[i] Menstruation is institutionalized as a rite of passage that marks the transition from girlhood to womanhood in many communities across India (see Dube 1988; Patar 2019).

https://doingsociology.org/2021/03/27/menstruation-pain-and-silence-ashlesha-gogoi/, accessed on 9^th July 2021.

***

Beatrice Chopra is an early years educator. She is a postgraduate in Education (Early Childhood Care and Education) from Ambedkar University Delhi.